The mystery of the marriage union

I will start by making a disclaimer that I'm not in any way an expert on this subject and all the thoughts in this piece are just that - my thoughts. My reflections this week are motivated by 2 events in the past week namely our 9th wedding anniversary and Bill and Melinda Gates' divorce.

A mystery

How do two people who meet in their adulthood get to a point of making a life long commitment to live together in a marriage union? How do they become closer to each other than to their parents and siblings? The Good Book goes even deeper and says that the two become one. I have seen unions of people from different cultures, races, social classes and nationalities. How do two such different people become one? Even if the two were to come from a similar background, each person is unique in their own right with different interests and worldview and having to co exist in one space cannot be without friction. In spite of this, love is meant to drown all potential challenges that may arise such that the two are then supposed to live happily for a lifetime. It's a mystery.

A school

As it is said, marriage is the only school you get a certificate before you start and is also the only school where you never graduate. Where else can one learn about compromise, forgiveness, tolerance and above all love than in the school of marriage. While many succeed, others drop out.

Money

Some say money solves a huge chunk of problems in a marriage. Jeff Bezos (worth $189 billion) and ex-wife McKenzie Scott divorced in 2019 after 25 years of marriage. Bill Gates (worth $130 billion) and ex-wife Melinda divorced after 27 years of marriage. Is money good enough to save a marriage? Certainly not. Does lack of it give an advantage? The answer is still no. While money facilitates many things, one would conclude that marriage requires more than the presence or absence of money. We can also talk about fame and education, the conclusion is still the same. Many have also failed in this school (but so has ordinary people).

It's a mixed bag

Marriage failures have made those who are outside to be skeptical about jumping in. However, others still have faith in the union and are waiting for their turn. On the other end, some who are in are having the time of their life while others are envying those who are out. Put differently, while some are enjoying, others are enduring. Given a second chance, many would do it over again, some with the same person while others regret their choices. It is indeed a mixed bag. Our worldview is mostly influenced by our surroundings. However, not withstanding this, we can charter our own paths. Because someone failed in something does not automatically mean you are also bound to fail. At times, the case studies of failed marriages are our parents, siblings or those close to us which doesn't make it any easier.

Final thoughts

To those who still have faith in the marriage union, the worst decision one can make is to rush into this life long commitment. This is usually caused by making decisions based on societal expectations and pressure. It is a decision that requires sober minds and due diligence. Being late is far much better than being sorry.

It is difficult to fathom the idea of two unique people living happily as one for a lifetime. Maybe in the mystery of marriage therein lies its beauty. Commitment is a beautiful thing. Finding a person you can be vulnerable to is a beautiful thing. Learning to accommodate each other's interests and views is a beautiful thing. Having someone to share your joys and sorrows with in the context of a marriage union is a beautiful thing. It would be dishonest though to gloss over the challenges that one may encounter on this journey but after weighing the highs and the lows, the journey is still surely worth it.