Happiness (the pursuit of)

Happiness is defined as an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment. While happiness has many different definitions, it is often described as involving positive emotions and life satisfaction.

This past week, I was thinking about this subject and would like to pose few thought provoking questions. What is happiness to you? Are you happy? If you are, what makes you happy? If not, what is stopping you from being happy? Debatable as it might be, my conclusion was that we sometimes rob ourselves of happiness because of the goals that we have set for ourselves as well as that which we have chosen to prioritise in our lives. We focus so much of our energies on these things such that our happiness hinges on our achievement of these or failure thereof. This is a fallacy as oftentimes, when we have achieved that which we have set our minds to do, instead of reaching a state of self-actualisation, we find ourselves aiming even higher each time, thus making happiness and contentment all but elusive. Or, worse still, we may get a rude awakening to discover that when we get that which we thought would bring happiness, we still continue to feel empty.

How on earth!

This past week I read a post on twitter about someone asking for advice related to retirement. In summary, the question was “I’m 49, my wife is 34, we have 4 kids and $US2.3 million saved. I earn US$300,000 a year but ‘lose a lot of sleep worrying about tomorrow – when can I retire.” I was like, how on earth could someone with so much still be worried when there are very few people in this world who are in his class? The answer is simple, as human beings, we always want more!

What defines happiness?

We deprive ourselves of the feelings of contentment, satisfaction and fulfilment believing that we can only be truly happy when we have reached the lofty heights that we set for ourselves. Meanwhile enroute to those heights, everything else is sacrificed, including our happiness. There is a quote by Andy Rooney that says, “Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you are climbing it.” Instead of celebrating the wins along the journey and many other seemingly ordinary aspects of life that we take for granted, we are so much fixated with getting to the mountain top while life is passing us by. This also causes us not to derive much satisfaction from what we have already accomplished. Many people die without living their lives to the fullest because they were busy labouring with the belief that they are working towards that which will make them attain happiness. While we are busy, we also run the risk of losing those whom we love and only when they are gone that we come to the realisation that nothing else really mattered. Another question is, are there things that bring you fulfillment when we do them but you can't just get to do them because you do not have the time?

What brings happiness?

Should a single person wait to be in a relationship or marriage so that they can be happy? If accumulation of a great deal of wealth brought happiness, would there be rich people who are miserable? If attaining the highest levels of education brought happiness, would we have unhappy learned people? If fame and influence were the source of happiness, would there be famous and influential people who are still looking for happiness? Are these things not important such that we should not pursue after them? Certainly not. Rather, in pursuing them, let us not postpone or sacrifice being happy, fulfilled and content.

Happiness comes from within rather than from without. 'Things' are nice to have but we might realise when we have them that we are still not happy. Counting one's blessings and celebrating the small wins along the way does help. One killer of happiness is comparing ourselves with the next person. Focus on yourself, life is not a competition. As much as it might appear paradoxical to say, we all need to find contentment and at the same time motivation to achieve more, and it's up to each of us to find this balance.

“If being happy is important to you, try this: instead of regretting all you lack, celebrate all you have got.” - Brian Vaszily.